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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24540349">YOU ARE ME IS YOU</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkspacelord/pseuds/darkspacelord'>darkspacelord</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Theoretical Episode Scripts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Invader Zim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Swap, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:41:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,625</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24540349</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkspacelord/pseuds/darkspacelord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>***THIS IS IN SCRIPT FORMAT FOR A HYPOTHETICAL EPISODE INSTEAD OF TRADITIONAL FANFIC***<br/>It's Zim's and Dib's worst nightmare: For them to switch bodies. </p><p>Note: ZIM* = Dib in Zim's body, DIB* = Zim in Dib's body</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Theoretical Episode Scripts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092470</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>YOU ARE ME IS YOU</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>INT. ZIM’S LIVING ROOM</b>
</p><p>
  <i>ZIM and DIB stand across from each other. They are posed to fight.</i>
</p><p>DIB<br/>
Stop running Zim! I’m still going to catch you and expose you!</p><p>ZIM<br/>
Oh yeah? Not when I reveal to you my secret weapon! Cower in fear as you witness the Thingamajig5000!</p><p>ZIM pulls out a strange device that is distinctively irken and points it at DIB.</p><p>DIB<br/>
What does that thing even do?</p><p>ZIM<br/>
It uh, it does something horrible!</p><p>DIB<br/>
You don’t even know what it does?</p><p>ZIM<br/>
I know exactly what it does!</p><p>
  <i>ZIM presses the trigger and it explodes. Everything is hidden in smoke for a few seconds before clearing. DIB is sitting against the wall, knocked by the explosion, and holding his head. ZIM is standing and tries to regain his footing. DIB stands up, still holding onto his head.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Huh? Why is my head so large? Of course! The Thingamajig causes head swelling!</p><p>
  <i>DIB* looks up. ZIM* and DIB* scream.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Wait, why am I looking at me? Zim what did you do! Why can’t I stop yelling?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Why are you in my superior body, Dib!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
I don’t know! You were the one who made the Thingamejig. Why did you use it if you didn’t even know what it does, you idiot!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
I need that Thingamejig to switch us back! Where is it?</p><p>DIB* glances at the Thingamejig5000. It is broken in half.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Well, uh, new plan then!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Ugh! Now I’m stuck in your body! </p><p>DIB*<br/>
Don’t think I’m any happier about this, Dib! </p><p>ZIM*<br/>
I wonder if there is a way to dissect myself? </p><p>DIB*<br/>
Don’t you dare do anything to my superior body for which you do not deserve!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
I’d gladly give it back to you if I could! </p><p>GIR walks into the scene, playing with a piggy. ZIM* turns to him.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Gir! You know all about Zim’s base and his weaknesses. I mean my base and weaknesses. Can you remind me of them?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
No Gir! Don’t listen to him- I mean me! This is confusing.</p><p>GIR<br/>
If Zim is Dib and Dib is Zim then who am I?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
You’re just Gir.</p><p>GIR<br/>
Awwww. </p><p>
  <i>GIR leaves with his piggy.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Wait! Now that I’m in your body I could leave your house without a disguise and expose you as the alien you are! </p><p>DIB*<br/>
But you would still be in my body! If my body dies so do you!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
For once you have a point. </p><p>DIB*<br/>
There must be something in my lab that will switch us back!</p><p>
  <i>The scene shifts towards the kitchen. ZIM* and DIB* enter. ZIM* struggles as he enter the trash can. DIB* follows and falls head first.</i>
</p><p>
  <b>INT. ZIM’S LAB</b>
</p><p>
  <i>DIB* remains upside down on his head at the bottom of the elevator. ZIM* exits.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Is my head really that big?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Yes and I hate it.</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* looks ecstatic looking at the equipment. He examines it.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
All this technology and I- have no idea how any of it works. How do I activate your computer?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Just say ‘Computer!’</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Computer! Any knowledge of what a Thingamejig does? Or how one can build a device to switch us back?</p><p>COMPUTER<br/>
Uh, no.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Oh! Any knowledge on the paranormal?</p><p>COMPUTER<br/>
Searching through 5000 relevant databases.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
There is no time for your paranormal obsession! We need to switch back. I’m getting tired of your large-headed, smelly, inferior human body. I hate having ears and having these thoughts about Bigfoot.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Hey! My head isn’t that big and I’m not smelly! At least you have it better. I can’t stand being in your weird alien body. And all you ever think about is how great you are. Okay maybe that’s actually a good thing. It does feel nice.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
I should be having those thoughts! I’m tired of being you, Dib-stink.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
There has to be something in your lab that can help us. </p><p>
  <i>A buzz can be heard from DIB*. DIB* pulls out a phone and looks at it.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
What does ‘Mysterious Mysteries at nine’ mean?</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Oh no! I’m going to miss the show! And I was supposed to contact the swollen eyeball network. I can’t do any of that in your body. </p><p>DIB*<br/>
But I can. I can go to your house and find out whatever plans you have for exposing me! And I can finally ruin your life like I could never before. (He laughs) Argh. Even your laugh is horrible! And so, dorky. I just want my voice back.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
My voice isn’t dorky! Okay maybe it is a little. Or a lot. But I rather hear that than your voice! </p><p>DIB* starts to leave.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Wait! I can’t let you go to my house! You’re going to destroy everything!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Yes, Dib, but you can’t stop me! Not when I’m you! You’re family will never know!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Argh! </p><p>DIB* leaves the lab. ZIM* chases him until DIB* finally leaves through the elevator. </p><p>
  <b>INT. ZIM’S LIVING ROOM</b>
</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* stands in the middle of the living room. GIR watches Floopsy.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Help me catch Zim, I mean Dib, Gir!</p><p>GIR<br/>
Aw, but I want to finish my show first.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Wow, you really are useless. Where did Zim even get this SIR unit from? </p><p>ZIM* walks to the door and reaches for it. He stops.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Oh yeah. I can’t leave the house like this. Computer, uh, give me Zim’s disguise.</p><p>
  <i>Metal arms extend from the ceiling while holding a pair of contacts and a wig. They place them on ZIM*.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Why couldn’t you have a better disguise Zim? I feel so stupid wearing this. </p><p>
  <b>INT. DIB’S LIVING ROOM</b>
</p><p>
  <i>GAZ is sitting on the couch playing on her game slave. DIB* stands near the couch.</i>
</p><p>GAZ<br/>
Oh great, you’re back.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Hello scary sister! It’s me, Dib, perfectly normal Dib.</p><p>GAZ<br/>
(Not looking up)‘Normal’? Ha. You’re never normal Dib.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Yes! I’m abnormal in the way Dib normally is and not in a way that Dib isn’t. Uh, well it’s time for me to study ghosts or whatever Dib, which is me, would normally do.</p><p>GAZ<br/>
Whatever.</p><p>DIB* heads towards the stairs. PROFESSOR MEMBRANE enters the room.</p><p>PROFESSOR MEMBRANE<br/>
Hello son! What are you up to? Something scientific I hope?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Uh, of course. I am always up to something scientific if that's what me, perfectly normal Dib would be doing.</p><p>PROFESSOR MEMBRANE<br/>
You’ve finally given up your paranormal obsession to study REAL SCIENCE?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
What? No! I mean yes. I mean whatever Dib would say, stinking human. Argh!</p><p>DIB* heads up the stairs.</p><p>PROFESSOR MEMBRANE<br/>
I worry about that boy.</p><p>
  <b>INT. DIB’S BEDROOM</b>
</p><p>
  <i>DIB* is sitting by his computer. An open folder is in front of him and he glances at it.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Bigfoot, mothman, pyromaniac ghost spiders? Useless! Where is the information on me?</p><p>
  <i>DIB* looks at the wall with the bulletin board filled with drawings of Zim. He heads towards it.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Ah yes! Even Dib can’t help but capture my superior form. And so many of my plans. </p><p>
  <i>DIB* looks at a folder labeled “ZiM” and looks through it.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Even more? Finally! His plans on stopping me! I’ll make sure to dispose of these!</p><p>
  <i>DIB* crumbles up some of the papers and tosses them in the trash can. He picks up a few photos from the folder. He flips through the photos: Gir eating tacos, Zim laughing evilly, more of Zim laughing evilly, and Zim getting snowcones with minimoose at the park.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
He’s even more obsessed with me than I am. </p><p>PROFESSOR MEMBRANE<br/>
(From outside of the room)<br/>
Your foreign green friend is here!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
That must be Dib! Don’t let him in, uh, dad!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
(From downstairs) I know you’re here Zim! I mean Dib! Get out of my- I mean your room!</p><p>
  <i>DIB* leaves his room.</i>
</p><p>
  <b>INT. DIB’S LIVING ROOM</b>
</p><p>
  <i>GAZ is still playing on her GameSlave. ZIM* is standing at the door glaring at DIB* who stands across of him.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
You better not be messing with my paranormal research! I worked hard on that!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
But you can’t stop me if I am! Not while I’m you.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Guess I’ll just mess with your lab then!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
You don’t even know how to work it!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
I’ll figure it out! I already did with Tak’s ship!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Gir will stop you!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
No he won’t. All he does is watch tv and orders pizza.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Yeah you’re right. But I’ll stop you!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
But your own lawn gnomes will get you first! </p><p>DIB*<br/>
Hrgh! I Just want to go back to being me!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
So do I!</p><p>GAZ<br/>
Will you two stop yelling? I’m trying to stop the vampire piggy boss. </p><p>DIB* yawns.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Oh look! Guess you’re tired and you won’t be able to fight me.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
What? I’m not tired! I can- (Yawns again).</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Admit it, you’re tired.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
How do I stop it?</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
You sleep. It’s what humans do.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Sleep? How pitiful you humans have to sleep.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Well now you have to do it, Zim! You can’t just recharge a PAK or whatever you irkens do. </p><p>DIB*<br/>
For once your species inferiority is frustrating me. I’ll sleep but tomorrow I will find a way to switch us back.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
I hope you do! I’m going to go to your home, and do stuff. </p><p>DIB*<br/>
You do that!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
I will! </p><p>
  <b>INT. ZIM’S LIVING ROOM</b>
</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* stands in front of the television. He is out of his disguise.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Uh, call Zim’s leaders. The Really Tall Ones or whatever. If Zim thinks he can mess with me I’ll just mess with him!</p><p>COMPUTER<br/>
Connecting with the Tallest!</p><p><i>The Tallests appears on screen. Tallest purple eats a burrito.</i> </p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Really Tall Ones or whatever, I, uh, have come to do stuff.</p><p>TALLEST PURPLE<br/>
Could you call us back, Zim? We’re sort of uh, doing important matters!</p><p>TALLEST RED<br/>
Yes, very important! And we wouldn’t want to be interrupted doing them.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Wait! Certainly you wouldn’t want to, say talk about our species’ weaknesses that you wouldn’t want to discuss with another species? Or perhaps talk about Irk and where it is?</p><p>TALLEST RED<br/>
You know Zim, you’re acting stranger than usual.</p><p>TALLEST PURPLE<br/>
And that’s saying something.</p><p>
  <i>The connection is cut off.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Well, that didn’t go as planned. </p><p>ZIM* leans over.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Ugh. This stupid PAK is so heavy. How does Zim carry this thing around. </p><p>
  <i>ZIM* heads towards the kitchen.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Well maybe I can at least try and find out Zim’s plans. </p><p>
  <i>ZIM* struggles as he enters the trash can. His spider legs release and he falls down the lab’s elevator.</i>
</p><p>
  <b>INT. ZIM’S LAB</b>
</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* lays on the floor and shakes his head. His spider legs stick out.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Ick! I hate these things. </p><p>
  <i>ZIM* stands up and heads towards the computer.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Computer! What are Zim’s evil plans?</p><p>COMPUTER<br/>
Found 102 plans.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
102? I’ll have to listen to all of them. Computer! Tell me what these plans are.</p><p>COMPUTER<br/>
Plan One, replace the mayonnaise in the skool cafeteria with paste. Not evil enough. No longer a consideration. Plan Two, release mutant rat people among the human race. Plenty evil enough but not enough mutant rat people. No longer a consideration. Plan Three, blow up the sun. No input. No longer a consideration. Plan Four-</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
All these plans are dumb. But maybe there is something Zim came up with that’s clever. I can’t risk it. I have to listen to all of them and not give up. </p><p><i>The scene cuts off.</i> </p><p>
  <b>INT. ZIM’S LIVING ROOM</b>
</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* is sitting on the couch next to GIR. He is sucking on an irken snack as Mysterious Mysteries play.</i>
</p><p>TELEVISION<br/>
On this night’s episode we find out, is the PigGoatMan real? </p><p>GIR<br/>
Ooooh! Watcha watching?</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Mysterious Mysteries.</p><p>GIR<br/>
But I wanted to watch Floopsy!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Not until after my show. I got to know-</p><p>GIR cries and ZIM* looks uncomfortable.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
How does Zim handle this? Uh, would a snack help?</p><p>ZIM* hands him an irken snack.<br/>
GIR<br/>
I already got a snack! </p><p>
  <i>GIR reaches into a bowl of cheese and stuffs it in his mouth. The cheese drips from his mouth. ZIM* looks disgusted.</i>
</p><p>
  <b>INT. DIB’S KITCHEN</b>
</p><p>
  <i>GAZ and DIB* sit next to each other at the table. PROFESSOR MEMBRANE stands by them. GAZ and DIB* have a bowl of cereal. DIB* hesitantly takes a bite.</i>
</p><p>GAZ<br/>
What’s the matter? You’re acting like you’ve never eaten cereal before.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Of course I’ve eaten cereal before? Why wouldn’t I? I must eat it everyday, I bet.</p><p>
  <i>DIB* sticks his face in the bowl and attempts to slurp up the cereal. GAZ raises an eyebrow as she eats the cereal normally. DIB* lifts his head.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Of course! I was just playing. I know how to eat cereal like any earthen child. Which I am because I’m Dib.</p><p>
  <i>DIB* eats the cereal with a spoon and chokes.</i>
</p><p>PROFESSOR MEMBRANE<br/>
Something wrong, son?</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Nothing is wrong! I’m normal and large headed as always! Oh it must be time for skool, isn’t it? </p><p>
  <b>INT. SKOOL RECESS</b>
</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* and DIB* push each other as they stand in the courtyard. The other students play.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Urgh! I hate this! I’m tired of your human family.</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
And I’m tired of your idiotic robot servants!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
And I’m tired of having your stupid large head!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
And I’m tired of having your ugly green head!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
I hate this stupid coat you wear!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
Hey! It’s a cool coat! It’s better than wearing this stupid space dress.</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Everything you own smells like stinky human!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
And everything you own smells like stinky alien!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
I hate being you!</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
I hate being you more!</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* and DIB* push and shove one another. ZIM* knocks DIB* to the ground. DIB*’s glasses fall off.</i>
</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Huh, what happened? Why are you blurry? Where am I?</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
You lost your, well my glasses! I can’t see without them!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
Curse your poor vision! </p><p>
  <i>DIB* places the glasses back on. GAZ appears in the courtyard.</i>
</p><p>ZIM*<br/>
When I get my body back I’m going to expose you!</p><p>DIB*<br/>
And when I get my body back I’m going to kill you!</p><p>GAZ<br/>
Hey morons! Look this way!</p><p>
  <i>ZIM* and DIB* turn towards GAZ. GAZ points a device that looks similar to the Thingamijg5000 except just futuristic instead of irken. She shoots it at them. ZIM* and DIB* scream for a moment and are sent flying backwards. DIB rubs his head and ZIM looks down at his hands. ZIM smiles.</i>
</p><p>ZIM<br/>
Hmmm? Yes! These are my hands! I’m me again!</p><p>
  <i>ZIM stands up triumphantly.</i>
</p><p>ZIM<br/>
I am Zim, once again!</p><p>
  <i>DIB stands up and rubs his head.</i>
</p><p>DIB<br/>
My head is large again! I mean normal sized. I missed you coat.</p><p>
  <i>DIB kisses his coat. ZIM approaches DIB.</i>
</p><p>ZIM<br/>
Let’s agree to never switch bodies again.</p><p>DIB<br/>
I couldn’t agree more with you there. It wasn’t that bad being me, was it?</p><p>ZIM<br/>
It was terrible.</p><p>DIB<br/>
Well it was worse being you! (He turns to Gaz) Where did you get that anyway?</p><p>GAZ<br/>
I found it in dad’s lab with a note that said “Incase of a MORON building a device that switches bodies and it explodes”. </p><p>DIB<br/>
That’s oddly specific. How did you know me and Zim switched bodies?</p><p>GAZ<br/>
Maybe it was the ‘I am just normal Dib’ or  how you slurped up cereal.  You may be strange but not THAT strange.</p><p>DIB<br/>
For once I’m glad Zim was obvious.</p><p>
  <i>The scene ends.</i>
</p>
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